Noisy

There's just so much going on in my mind right now. Fees, taxes, body weight, paper cranes and lilies. Bulging belly and the occasional temptation to sticks of cigarettes. And how I actually loathe them, lighted and smoked by someone else. Bazaar brochures, and my efficiency that equates to less than fifty percent of my boss's. Clothes for tomorrow, and how different people can be. How sometimes you just wanted to be alone, so you can bury yourself in self-pity because it feels addicting and it makes you feel alive, because it makes your heart beat faster. You want to be alone so no one would see just how dark it is inside your mind. Because you're scared that once they see it, they will not understand, and you will be misjudged and then you will come to the conclusion, that in the end you've got nothing but yourself. That it's not true that there is such thing as infinite tolerance. And though you like being alone at times, you dont really want to get used to it, forever. It's complicated, being human. Can I be a Venus Trap, instead? If I'm a Venus Trap, the noise that I will be hearing is that of the bees and insects only, which I will eat. It's too noisy. Too much noise, too much static. I've hung too many ugly things in my mind, and now whatever I do I can't detach them from where they are. they glare at me everyday, screaming at me. Disabling me. As well as my desire to eat ice cream. The universe knows how all I wanted is to know that you are mine, and that I just want to hold your hand every time. And I just want you to be more patient with me, with all this nonsense. With all the nonsense overflowing from I dont know where inside this unhealthy body. I just want, to make you happy. I just want you to want me as much as I want you. I talk shit.