Tuesday, January 26, 2010

ah, 4am.



This picture was taken at around four or 5am, I think. I was making love with my calculator, my laptop and our computer doing a probset for some shitty thermodynamics.

I didn't have any sleep yet but I'm still alive, thanks to this ever reliable Cobra Energy Drink plus a cup of coffee.

I'm posting this because this is the first time I took time trying to understand what has been going on in this subject. It's been three months since the semester started, and yes this is the first time I tried taking a look at its face. I have feared it all along, and tonight, I have conquered a part of that fear. What a reason to celebrate, don't you think?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Three Types of People.

The place-holders.

The energy-suckers.

The users.


Ah, what a heartbreak this world contains.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

to the truest blank of all.



Have I lost it?

It feels different now,

when I gaze at the stars,

or stare out into the night and see the buildings and houses and their lights.

I'm sure things have changed, pretty simple but still,

I don't think I'm getting it.

Why, does it have to feel so much different?

that picture is from http://fav.me/d294k6s

Saturday, January 2, 2010

more things to smile about.

A friend of mine posted on facebook that those who were born in the year of the rabbit would be lucky this year. Also, Zenaida Something from Umagang Kay Ganda said those born under the water signs (my sign Scorpio included) are going to be lucky this year. So it has been predicted: I will be lucky this year. I. Me. Kaycee Vidal Cabantac, is going to get freakingly LUCKY this year because every kind of Astrology said so. That means:

1. I'll pass my 125 exam on Thursday.
2. I'll be able to finish all my formal reports before Tuesday.
3. I'll get my preferred schedule for my derma check up this week.
4. I'll get my preferred schedule for camglish - and I will be accepted.
5. I'll pass everything. As in everything.
6. Mother will come home on summer.
7. None of our pets will die.
8. Next sem, our department will have better instructors - those who are there to really teach.
9. On summer, I will be able to visit Samar - for a near-heaven experience.
10. On sembreak, I will be able to visit my cousin in La Union - and go beaching for all I want.
11. I'll be enlisted in my dream PE - Archery, in the perfect schedule.
12. I'll have the strength to go on a diet and lose the fats residing around my abdomen. Hahaha.
13. I'll have the perfect idea for plant design.
14. No Martial Law will be announced until the election on May is through.
15. More people with genuine care for the country will be winning the elections.
16. I'll be writing better posts. Hehe.
17. I will be more time conscious.
18. 4th annual get-together with grade school friends will push through.
19. The holidays will be just as fun, as wonderful and as peaceful - or better. :)
20. I'll get my dream OJT.
21. I'll draw better and be able to draw life-like portraits.
22. I'll read more Ayn Rand.
23. I'll be able to save.

But then, if you're friends with someone named Joel C., he might have influenced you on not believing on just getting lucky - but on believing about being blessed.

Before the year ended, I tried looking back on my past few years and why, no matter how OK things are, I just feel like they are not. I realized it's because within the past five years, I had never been far from Him than ever. My wish for this year is to get closer. I don't know how I will start but I'm hoping He will lead me towards the right path. I don't know if I should also believe in the prediction that rabbit-people will get lucky especially in their romantic relationships, I don't care anyway. It does not matter whether not everything on my list happens - I'm believing that I will not just get lucky, I will be blessed and that means better things will happen.

I wish for the courage to let go of bad things - of negative feelings, of negative thoughts about myself and about other people. I wish to let go of procrastination, of prejudices, of being unmindful of my time. I wish to have the strength to show the people I love about how much they matter. I wish I'll never again, be the first person to reject myself. I wish to be more forgiving and more understanding - of myself and of others. I wish to be more grateful of the things I was given. Relax, I don't want to be a saint. I just want to be a better person, someone less of a hypocrite than I was the past few years. This, I owe, to those people who had kept me smiling (and I know will continue to do so), to my self and to the life I was gifted with.

2010 will be more fruitful and of course, happier. I'm sure I will have more things to smile about and I wish for everyone to have the same. :)

PS (I love PS-ing, ok? hehe): Sometimes, I still have to force my smiles, but I am convinced I will have less of those forced ones this year.