Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Fugacity, or the tendency to escape.

Because I'm not sure if it's me who's been eating thermodynamics for the longest time now or if it's the other way around. Anyways, if it's true I've replaced my basic human needs with thermodynamics instead, I think I'm anorexic. I eat, and then I puke. I don't intend to. Sometimes I think my system is just not hardwired to take in all those fucking real gas properties and freaking Poynting correction factor at the very least. Alright, I have had enough rant sessions about my current "academic" situation so I'm not going to delve into that so much. For now.

I haven't been writing. I'm so surprised that my journal(yes, a notebook similar to the logbook of security guards) has 3 months worth of empty pages. Ever since I was in grade six, the longest interval for my entries would be three weeks. Never was it more than a month. And then, this.

Maybe it was because nothing interesting has really been going on. I mean, I don't hate my life, it's just that, right now, it's mechanical. Or maybe, my laziness has just reached an all time high. It was only recently that I realized how I have been feeling so sleepy everytime I'm caught under an unwanted situation. I'd even doze off for a few moments during some of my exams! My gawd, how I need psychiatric help. I think it is my body's defense mechanism. I feel so guilty for always wanting to escape, or for always wanting to be somewhere else and it scares me that I'm getting used to it. Gaah, this is my life and no matter how screwed up it could get, I know I'm still the one responsible for it. It's a hard battle, really. Ah, please please make my fugacity much lower. {I sound so angsty and nerdy you won't believe I dance to SNSD's songs. Haha,hathis is what I got from chemical engineering}

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