The Past Three Months

Yesterday was the last day of the Chemical Engineering Licensure Exam - I was suppose to take it but didn't. The decision to back out (ouch, stings) came late October when I wasn't even halfway through the things I needed to review to say that I am ready, I can take the exam. I was sure it will feel like suicide if I just went ahead and take it, like a soldier going into battle with mediocre skills and mediocre training. So I decided to postpone it, spent an entire day composing a text to my parents (Mom is in Italy, Dad is in Samar) explaining my need for more time and my plans for the next year. Then I spent another day bracing myself for their nagging or for another lecture. But (but!), but of all buts, my father replied with what could be one of the most surprising, sweetest messages I have received from him in a long time:

 "Okay anak. Ikaw ang nakakaalam ng sitwasyon. Kung sa palagay mo mahihirapan ka, wag mo pilitin. Mabuti yan mag enrol ka sa review center para mas makareview ka ng mahusay. :) :) :)"

 Three smileys? Three? My father don't use smileys! Haha. Why was it the sweetest? I expected my mother will understand, she always does. But my father, I need to explain further, I always need to justify my actions so when he just said it's okay without questioning me and implying he trusts my decision, it meant a lot. Actually, it was my mother this time that I needed some explaining further to. Surprising turn of events, yes. In the end, she said alright, I'd support you all the way. I cried after my mother called me, I just felt very grateful and undeserving of all this. The next day, I went to Enchanted Kingdom. Haha. My first time again after almost 4 years. The past three months brought me to places I didn't expect I will be. After resigning from work I thought I'd be spending a great deal of time in my room studying away. I guess I got carried away with the freedom and also, been blessed with some opportunities to travel that I just can't say no to.

 In August, my father asked me to accompany my cousin to La Union to do some paperworks. Mind you, I was beyond excited. Haven't traveled in a while. My La Union memories were of my bibo nephew, Emil.

Since it was just a two-hour bus ride from where my cousin lives, we also alloted time to visit Baguio, pinush ko talaga to. Literal na after ten years! Only a few people were strolling around the city when we went there. Maybe because it was drizzling and it wasn't the Holidays yet. Felt like we had the place to our selves! I was so happy!!! (more !!!! haha)

Before heading back to Manila, we also had to pass by Nueva Ecija and there I met a very interesting co-mountain-enthusiast man (cousin of my cousin), Kuya Angelo, who loves flowers. They've got all sorts of plants in their garden, it was amazing. He invited us to visit his farm but we didn't have enough time so we had to pass on that :( Anyway, he gave me an orchid to take care of, which by the way hasn't bloomed yet until now. Still alive but not blooming.

A week after this trip, I got fed up with my hair I had it chopped:

A lot of people questioned me for cutting off my "pretty hair", what with its natural waves, nice texture am I not happy about? I don't know. I guess I'm just bored and lazy. Too lazy to shampoo and style such hair.

September rolled around with some emotional turmoil and random meetups. It was my first time to go to a book fair with Julius. Then saw Margret again after a long, long time.

Then came October - critical, intense and busy! First I got reunited with my two college barkadas ( I graduated late so I have barkadas from different batches hihi). 

These are my younger barkadas. Haha. It's been a over a year since we last went out. God, I missed them. We recently volunteered in packing relief goods for the Yolanda survivors and I just felt happy that we have shared that experience with each other.

Here are my ka-age barkadas hehe. Cue "it's always a good time" here:

October is also my birthday (and my father's and my youngest siblings' too haha). I had a really good one. :)

Photos from the twins' 18th birthday (Frisbee and Picnic afternoon in UP :)):

A few weeks ago I also had the chance to go to Tagaytay and visit The Puzzle Mansion:

I hate writing long posts as this one because I have a tendency to digress towards the end. Also as you may have noticed, I have decided to chop some more of my hair. And I'm thinking of chopping some more next week. Anyway, the next thing I'm looking forward to is the Mt. Pulag climb with my college friends. I'm so excited I'm actually physically training for it (though we're taking the easy trail haha). Good lord I hope I don't get sick, and I hope we will be blessed with a very nice weather. 

Right now, I'm under so much pressure but I'm learning to be more graceful, to be a bit nicer, to be more patient with others and with myself. It will be tough, as I'm one immature brat but I'm determined of being a better version of myself  especially in the coming years. I don't want to rot away with my inferiority complex, insecurities and fear of failure. So help me, Universe. :)

Love, K. 

Let's See

Let's see where the next three months will take me.

Shift + Delete, and other braver things.

You probably think that I hardly pay attention to you, or the things that you say. Or the things that piss you off, or those that get you. You probably think I don't know the look in your eyes when I say something off, something along the lines of "I just don't want to and I don't care about anything else.", each time you ask me why I wasn't talking to you. You probably think I don't recognize the smile on your face when I catch you off-guard and you try to hide the awkwardness, or when you want to veer my attention to something else other than the truth - because you don't know how to lie. I know all these, and their familiarity to my system makes me rather unskilled at handling the emotions that come out each time I recognize what your gestures and your expressions mean. I am not that naive. I'm rather good at remembering what face comes with what state of mind as I'm good at remembering lines from songs and movies. You assume I can't handle any transparency, that you're protecting me from trying to hide things from me but I am actually adept at finding answers to all my curiosity. I. will. always. find. a. way. And I'm being pushed away, by my own self. By my insecurities that you unintentionally feed, by your poor proper-sentence-construction-skills, by your lack of understanding that I'm almost always capable of fixing myself, that you don't have to feel bad about it because I have always been that way, that you don't have to feel like you have to make all things better for me. By your inability to make me understand why you are trying so hard to keep this thing that had been gone so long ago, your attempts all focused and unique to this one thing when there are others obviously more deserving. It must be really special. Also, by your inability to learn that I am a person of harsh words, words that burn and stab when I don't intend them to, that this is the main reason why I choose to be a mute when I am emotionally charged because I might create more damage than I can attend to, that I need to breathe, I need air, I need to get some outer space air then just back when I am no longer at a boiling point. You are not the only weird person here. I can tell people off by being wrong at their grammar, by not falling in line properly, by not following simple traffic rules, by being plain jerks but I can never for the life of me, tell someone off when I am being neglected, or feeling disrespected - by the people I care for, or by the people who I think care about me, too. I always find it inconvenient to verbalize my thoughts when the feelings are personal and they no longer involve strangers being asshole in public places. I realize I don't like public confrontation of my feelings (when I say public it means to confront in front of someone else than myself). I just never learned how to do it, you know. I always end up being melodramatic (which I totally hate) and not able to communicate my point properly. I always end up being a disaster, and feeling senseless and disgusted at myself. So I ask you, to be more understanding of my incapacity to talk when I'm emotional. Please don't force me to talk, just leave me alone but be kind enough to give me the chance to speak when I'm ready. And please don't cut me off when I'm talking, don't dismiss my points and try to see my side. Try to really see my side. Also, please pretend to listen when I'm talking so enthusiastically about something because there's nothing more discouraging than not having an audience when you think you have just discovered something really worth sharing, or having to stop talking because the person you're with seems totally uninterested with what you re saying. Geez, how heartbreaking. Just, pretend to listen. Just, pretend. (Cue in The Cardigans here) I have paid so much attention, so much that I've seen things I wasn't supposed to see. Don't get mad at me for the littlest things because that makes me feel very stupid. I know your patience stretches far more than that. I know you can do better than that. You've done it before, you can do it again for sure. Just, show me what you mean when you said it was over. *Note to self. PS: I was supposed to write about something else and ended up with this, hence the title has nothing to do with the content.

So It Goes

Dizzying.

Noisy

There's just so much going on in my mind right now. Fees, taxes, body weight, paper cranes and lilies. Bulging belly and the occasional temptation to sticks of cigarettes. And how I actually loathe them, lighted and smoked by someone else. Bazaar brochures, and my efficiency that equates to less than fifty percent of my boss's. Clothes for tomorrow, and how different people can be. How sometimes you just wanted to be alone, so you can bury yourself in self-pity because it feels addicting and it makes you feel alive, because it makes your heart beat faster. You want to be alone so no one would see just how dark it is inside your mind. Because you're scared that once they see it, they will not understand, and you will be misjudged and then you will come to the conclusion, that in the end you've got nothing but yourself. That it's not true that there is such thing as infinite tolerance. And though you like being alone at times, you dont really want to get used to it, forever. It's complicated, being human. Can I be a Venus Trap, instead? If I'm a Venus Trap, the noise that I will be hearing is that of the bees and insects only, which I will eat. It's too noisy. Too much noise, too much static. I've hung too many ugly things in my mind, and now whatever I do I can't detach them from where they are. they glare at me everyday, screaming at me. Disabling me. As well as my desire to eat ice cream. The universe knows how all I wanted is to know that you are mine, and that I just want to hold your hand every time. And I just want you to be more patient with me, with all this nonsense. With all the nonsense overflowing from I dont know where inside this unhealthy body. I just want, to make you happy. I just want you to want me as much as I want you. I talk shit.

The once elusive sunflowers. Excuse my face. Hulas na hulas ang makeup dahil sa init ng araw.

Of Things Potentially Tragic

And you were there, sleeping so soundly beside me. It's halfway past five in the morning, the lights were turned off and I can only make out how you look by the light that's coming in through the window from the lamp post outside. It had been raining the whole night, and it still is up to this moment. I think about the cold, I think about you and how, no matter what I do I can't seem to understand why no amount of resistance or control will be able to make me do all things right and that no matter how I try hard to protect your feelings,I will still, at some points, hurt you.

You're different, that said in the spirit of everything cliche-ic. But yes, you are, you are nothing like I have experienced before. Everything I have learned to try to manage my feelings are of no use anymore because the feelings I have now are too abstract a concept to be categorized as controllable, or manageable.

I have come to terms with my being emotional and I have, to some level, mastered the art of ignoring overwhelming feelings or anything emotional that I can't seem to justify. But you came in, crashing in, intensifying everything, catalyzing a variety of reactions inside me - most of which I have a hard time dealing with. My weaknesses, my strengths, my logic, oh how they all got mixed up.

Sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed I start to doubt if I have enough stamina to hold on. Or if this is the right time, to get my self involved with something so complicated, just when I'm realizing that I actually have a great deal of immature issues. Sometimes, I get lost, like nothing is familiar, that I'm not even sure if I am still myself. But you stayed, reached out when I turn away, gave me space when you think I need it but came around looking for me when I'm gone too long. Then I remind myself about why we need clarity or security when really, everything is unsure.

I think about how it could have made you felt, expected to meet all my ridiculous standards. I am selfish, and you are, too because nobody in the universe really isn't. I wish I could be more patient but right now, I can only be grateful that you are, even at times that I don't deserve forgiveness.

It scares me, how potentially tragic this can be but then, how can I let this chance pass when you are so beautiful like that?

Some Things We Just Don't Get Used To

There are some things that I never get used to. Like the heat here in my tropical country. I mean, I've never been anywhere else really and it's somewhat illogical that in my 23 years of existence, I still get highly irritable with the heat even if this is the only kind of weather I know.

But that's tolerable. Some other things in this category are well, not. I know that no matter how many times we do this take-you-to-the-airport-wait-three-to-four-years-pick-you-up-at-the-airport thing, I will always, always feel the same. Sad, but I will only give myself a chance at feeling that way for a while because I have no choice. I guess it is supposed to be easy. If I have learned to live with it for the past four years, what's another four?

I realized though that learning to live with something is not the same as getting used to it. The pain is still there, everyday. On some days it will be extreme it'd make you mad. On some other days, it's quiet, as if waiting for a perfect timing of striking.

So next week, you will no longer be here. So at night when I open the fridge, there would no longer be a cup of water with your dentures soaked in it. I'd miss seeing you in your favorite bestida, or seeing you in front of the mirror combing your 'relaxed' hair. That two months you spent here were so short that they were not enough to make your presence seem real, for it feels quite weird to see you inside the house because for the past four years, you were but a voice at the other end of the telephone line. This time though, since I've taught you how to use Skype, it will be different.

I hate to admit it but I regret being so selfish that I fail to focus on our time together. I am always too engrossed in my own issues, and I am still immature. Such a shame for a person of my age.

But here we are, and I can only apologize for being so childish. Oh funny, you know that even if I'm already forty, I'd still be an angsty teenager. I'm so sorry for trying so hard to be tough and pretending I'm just not into the cheesy stuff. I guess I just don't want to get used to you being around.

Until after the next three years, you know I would miss you everyday. Don't worry though, I promise to be nicer, especially to him.

Come on, why are you bathing me in lemonade?

I don't believe it.

What do they say, life is full of surprises? Well, hell I am surprised. And terrified at the same time. It is like being in another roller-coaster-cliche: You're scared, you're excited but over-all it felt great beyond what you have imagined.

Now, even the smallest of details create the strongest turbulence.

Something has been "set a blazed". And I hope that it takes long before dying out.

I hope it never dies out, at all.

Elusive Sunflowers

What if, things do not really happen for a reason? What if they just do? They just happen?

Sometimes I think it is easier to think that things do not happen for some greater purpose shit, because it felt like just some form of consolation when we don't know what else to do or when there is no one else to blame(not that we always need to). It no longer works for me, this karma or destiny thing. Each time I try to give myself comfort by using this mantra, I just get more depressed and worse I feel pathetic, like some voice at the back of my head is screaming in revolt and is trying to rub into my being the stupidity of trying to justify my mistakes with destiny (how many times have I said the word? I apologize, my vocab is not too good at this time especially when I'm thinking about how to finish Utilities Costing for my plant design).

I don't want to believe in greater reasons because I can't handle the level of frustration I get when I really don't get the analogy between wanting something so much and still seeing a part of yourself wasted(okay, what does that mean?).

I think it's easier for me to believe in causes rather than reasons. It's more logical to look at myself being an idiot for persisting with my errors that's why I'd never get the chance to be deserving of those yellow things that mean the world to many of the people I know.

It's easier to accept the fact that I have wasted time and handicapped many beautiful opportunities because I am lazy. Now, I have to do some serious overhaul than stay naive and believe that the Universe will be kind to me someday.

There is no point in believing in reasons actually. You messed up because you are being lead to something better, you got stuck because you have to learn something, someday you'll see?

No, thanks. Things just happen: you messed up, now you have to do some cleaning up.

Pick Up

Pick Yourself Up. Grow up and just fucking do it.

This Day Feels Perfect

I just finished eating breakfast (which my housemate and I cooked)and the day seemed so peaceful. It is cold, maybe because it has been raining the whole night (it was still raining when I went to bed at 4 am). That rain however, was light, there weren't even winds (okay, that was your weather report for last night). It was just cold, and I felt as if I actually needed that slight downpour. It gave me calmness or so that is what I would like to believe in - imagine, I only had around two hours of sleep, I was 30 minutes late to my one-hour PE class but when I went home I still had the energy to cook for breakfast. On normal days I would have just went to bed and catch more sleep.

But this day, I guess is not normal, beyond that I suppose. When we were eating breakfast, the birds were chirping in the background (they still are up to this moment), the radio was on and some 70's music was playing. This is probably some kind of a consolation from the universe, I thought, because I don't even feel the usual grogginess I get when I only had too little sleep.

I have been worrying about a lot of things lately and it's showing in my skin. My eyebags are darker and I always feel funny in my stomach. We call this stress, don't we? I know I usually worry a lot and I know I have to grow up and be less of a panicky person because the truth is, I can't remember a time that I was able to accomplish a lot of things because of constant worrying. I feel inspired today, thanks to the weather. I hope this inspiration fuels me until early hours of tomorrow, please, please Universe.

This day feels really perfect, so even if my Tinikling was not perfect earlier at PE class (I have been tripping on the bamboos demmit), I am claiming this day to be a good one. Bye for now, I got to watch the Tinikling videos I have downloaded on youtube.

I wish you would have a great day, too :)

Cracks

I have won in my struggle but the victory gave me the weirdest feeling, a terrible, funny kind of pain, and it's as if my body is rejecting the winning.

The only goal of my struggle was to "un-want" something, and it took so much effort because I was intensely at the opposite. I went into the extremes: some days I felt like I want it so much while on some points I was certain I abhor it I even felt like I'm disgusted.

I took so much comfort in that little sphere of abnormalities that I got myself into because inside that sphere I have felt my senses come to life, and they were more alive at those moments than at any other points in my life. But I have seen it clearly - the irrationality of it expanding into real life. That sphere was so frail, that by trying to extend its borders, even by the tiniest almost negligible actions, cracks will be made.

The things inside that sphere were real, though. They were real, they were real. They were real. But they only have a meaning to me.

No matter what you say, I know they don't mean anything to you. But I don't blame you. Heck, it was all just because of my faulty emotional make up. When all this turn to dust, I will not be the same and I'm sure of it. You however, will still be you, unshaken and unaffected. But I don't have a problem with that. I can't have a problem with that.

The problem is that I already know what this means from the very beginning but my genetic code is configured so differently from yours (of course), so I can't look at this the way you do, that I went around twisting and hitting my head somewhere hard - things that were not suppose to happen at all. I thought I can handle this level of deviation - I can't. Our foundation was not suppose to go an inch up the lowest level of Maslow's triangle. I was okay with that - at first. And then,

I was almost falling.

And now I am tired and I am very certain to get back to a stable ground. Actually, I already am. Almost.

So I won, this stability has been my goal but here I am in a twisted world so whether I am on a stable ground or not, I feel burdened.

Must be the February air.

The Restraining Order

To restrain yourself from the doing the things you would like to do for the sake of the more important ones.

The question is, up to what extent will this Order hold?

Where will you buy the stamina needed so you can go further, enough that you would not need any kind of a stupid order?

Yesterday, I've Done Alright.

Yeah, I did.

For there was the restraining act, which made me hurt in my stomach but made me feel alright because I know I did what is right.

And I was so sure it has to start with just one decision: that I don't want this anymore, even if something inside me screams for it that the thought of it always makes me ache.

Yesterday I was so sure about it. So sure that I actually felt free and light in spite of all the rejections of my subconscious. I was sure and there would be no turning back.

Then, I saw you.

And I am back to zero.

But my decision has not changed, and it never will, only that now I know this will be harder.

Mediocre, How Do I Spell

I wonder if everyone goes through that stage of utter mediocrity. Or even below that.

Theories, theories.

I have a lot of theories. Most of them though, I never get to knowing whether they apply in real life as facts or as theories alone until the end. I suck at handling my emotions, and I like to assume we all do at some point or another. In my case however, the normal state is the difficulty at identifying the feeling itself. I have this tendency to over-analyze or misinterpret my own self so as a defense-mechanism, I usually end up pretending that nothing is happening.

I don't know what to blame: my acting skills, my excellent selective memory or my sucker emotional control that I sometimes get to the point of convincing myself about how simple a rather complicated thing is. My pretensions are beyond convincing I assure you. When I have selectively disregarded the facts I proceed to embracing my heart with this fake safety net that I have created for myself. I will feel safe, my mind thinks. But then, what happens at quite moments of uncontrolled tilting of the earth's axis? Now that's another theory I've got - that the earth's axis' tilt is not at all constant. Its angle sometimes changes by infinitesimal degrees. This supposedly negligible change however, results to changes in pressure, so small it affects only your heart, makes it constrict, makes you feel cold and all of sudden very lonely.

Also, it makes you wanna cry, smoke a cigarette or go to the moon. And you wont have any idea why. Or that it's actually because the earth decided to change it's tilt a little bit.

OKAY. Scrap all of those. I know why I wanna cry, smoke or go to the moon at this moment. I know exactly why. I just can't accept it. I mean, why can't I be sad instead because the one I like wont like me back? Or, because I am broke I wont have anything to eat for the whole week?

Why this reason. Why.

PS: I'm so sorry, Earth's tilt, for blaming you. I assume by now you're used to me using you for my escapist tendencies.

The Consolation Prize

Nothing is probably better than knowing where to stand especially when you have been spending a great deal of time trying to define things and twist your perspectives just so they'd fit conveniently to whatever your emotions can handle. But that's an attempt at an escape, as I have realized we cannot really just purely base everything on perspective.

And when you finally get to see things clearly, just as they are,and not as how you would like to see them, it feels as if finally everything will start to be fine. At least, inside you. Because now, you know where is hope and where there is none.

Now it will be easier to indulge in things, without guilt, without thinking about what will happen after wards because now you are sure about your current state's radius.

Patterns and Lines, and if We Ever Notice Them

It can't be that complex, you tell yourself. It's simple, at least you know why it happened. Someone once told me that things happen according to a certain set of conditions. Weird things, abnormal things. Once the conditions have been set, even the unimaginable will unfold beautifully, as if it had been waiting to happen, when in fact it was just a fucking coincidence. Of course, these conditions are subjective. But who sets these conditions? Was it fate? Was it God? The stars? The planets? Oh, I know the answer - it's us, weak human beings. What are these conditions, you may ask for this is getting confusing.

CASE 1: Conditions: Lonely girl. Lonely guy. Jazz bar, soothing music, dim lights, intimate atmosphere. Consequence: They kissed.

CASE 2: Conditions: Sick mother. Graduating son. Utter poverty. Son roams the mall one afternoon, a rich lady forgot her purse on one of those benches. Consequence: He saw it, then took it home even though he can still run after the lady and return the wallet.

CASE 3: Conditions: A sweet girl has a problematic best friend. Her best friend, in spite of being problematic is an awesome friend. They were together all the time. They've been friends for years. Consequence: They fell in love with each other. Both are girls.

CASE 4: Conditions: Two old friends, a guy and a girl. They bumped into each other and decided to catch up for they haven't seen each other in a long time. They talked under the sky, talking about their affairs and issues and other shit. Consequence: He walked her home, and they made love.

I could go on and list cases and cases. But for now, let me give you a quiz and ask about what you think will happen to each of these cases after wards. The correct answers:
CASE 1: The two exchanged numbers, started dating then got married 3 years after.

CASE 2: Son uses the money to pay for hospital bills but the mother died anyway. Son graduates, meets a girl then eventually marries her. 2 years after he learned that the lady whose purse he took was actually his wife's aunt. He spends the rest of his life making up for it.

CASE 3: They embraced their love, lived happily for 2 years but broke up, because of - guess what - some conditions. They remained good friends after that, though. Girl starts dating guys again. Best friend's still in love with her, she got so depressed that they didn't last long. One day she was found dead in her room, overdosed on insecticide.
CASE 4: They remained friends and laughed about what happened. Then, they made love one more time. They started spending a great deal of time with each other,then things went back to normal - the way they were before they bumped into each other.

What I'm saying is, sometimes, no matter how open we think we are, we can't just dismiss things and say they just happen - because we have principles and because us humans are humans, created to have emotions. And because we are made different from each other, we have different emotional make up and hence, perspectives. What might be casual to one person might mean otherwise to another. What might be easy to one person might be very depressing to another one.

What do you do if your emotional make up is not able to handle a thing you thought you will be able to? Do you alter your genetic code? Do you go under a surgery so you become an alien instead, or a robot?

If you look at these things closely, or if you step back and look through a camera with wide-angle lens, you will see that all things actually fit into a pattern and it's as if everything is actually just based on templates as simple as that of Microsoft Powerpoint 2003. No matter how weird, how far-fetch, how unbelievable an event is, it will fit into a pattern. We earthlings just love to sensationalize, draw lines so thin between things that even us can no longer recognize them or whatever the hell are we even trying to distinguish from each other through those thinly-drawn lines. So the next time you think what happened to you is out-of-this-world, remember the word "patterns". Don't be sad, no matter how "first time" it feels, that thing sure had happened before and if it's turning sour, you'll be getting over it just fine.

Just don't regret anything. Only take lessons with you.

In Bullets

I have been writing a lot these days, only that I really don't have the time to go to the internetz each time the moment struck so some pretty pages of paper now own my thoughts instead of this blog. I'm quite glad how my writing is turning out. I've been detached for sometime that I have almost forgotten how it felt after each time I am able to honestly pour myself out. It feels great, and makes me breathe easier. It gives me a taste of peace, and it's as if I can see the knotted threads inside my head disentangle and arrange themselves in a more coherent order. I know disorder can be art, that a clutter can be called organized but my mind does not really need art in that form right now.

Anyways, again, I don't have so much time now so my Christmas break is here in bullets:

• First week of break was spent at my boarding house, catching up with some school work and attending meetings with the Barangay Central's Secretary named Kirby (who is so cute, and gay :))for my organization's Medical Mission


• On the night of lunar eclipse, my friend (and housemate,too) Jam and I went to UP so we could lie down at the amphitheater while staring at the moon. This is the life, man.


• Spent a great deal of hours in front of the computer facebooking my face. I hate it cos I could have used the time to do some more important stuff. Hay, I need to master control over this pakshet.


• Downloaded Haruki Murakami quotes and read my heart away while listening to Up Dharma Down on Christmas Eve. I was at our balcony and the Christmas lights on the house across the street provided just the perfect lighting for my mood, haha!


• Visited QC Circle and went biking at 1230AM with Jam and Cesie. Then on our way home, we crossed the Philcoa overpass while screaming "Penis!" (as inspired by 500 Days of Summer). We are too chicken to scream the Filipino counterpart, though. Yes, this is what mature people do.


• Now I'm back at the boarding house, completing the deficiencies for our plant design


• All these while soundtripping (Thank you most especially to UDD, your music is our drug) and that's all we ever needed. Oh, and a couple of beer in cans too, by the way.

Nothing exciting huh? Maybe this is enough for now. I've got good company and I can go crazy at random moments without being judged so I'm doing fine. Earlier this day, Ceejey visited me and brought some Macaroons which is already enough to make me happy.

I wish I could do a New Year post :/

Bye for now, my secret lover. Hee.