What if, things do not really happen for a reason? What if they just do? They just happen?
Sometimes I think it is easier to think that things do not happen for some greater purpose shit, because it felt like just some form of consolation when we don't know what else to do or when there is no one else to blame(not that we always need to). It no longer works for me, this karma or destiny thing. Each time I try to give myself comfort by using this mantra, I just get more depressed and worse I feel pathetic, like some voice at the back of my head is screaming in revolt and is trying to rub into my being the stupidity of trying to justify my mistakes with destiny (how many times have I said the word? I apologize, my vocab is not too good at this time especially when I'm thinking about how to finish Utilities Costing for my plant design).
I don't want to believe in greater reasons because I can't handle the level of frustration I get when I really don't get the analogy between wanting something so much and still seeing a part of yourself wasted(okay, what does that mean?).
I think it's easier for me to believe in causes rather than reasons. It's more logical to look at myself being an idiot for persisting with my errors that's why I'd never get the chance to be deserving of those yellow things that mean the world to many of the people I know.
It's easier to accept the fact that I have wasted time and handicapped many beautiful opportunities because I am lazy. Now, I have to do some serious overhaul than stay naive and believe that the Universe will be kind to me someday.
There is no point in believing in reasons actually. You messed up because you are being lead to something better, you got stuck because you have to learn something, someday you'll see?
No, thanks. Things just happen: you messed up, now you have to do some cleaning up.
